Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Maybe I should just send a card with Lucy's picture on it this year

I still do not have a decent Christmas card picture of my children and it is starting to feel like it is just never going to happen. This is something that they don't teach in the parenting classes and I have not seen anywhere in the Secrets of the Baby Whisper book. But for all those new parents out there, let me save you the trouble of looking it up: Apparently, kids are just jerks when it comes to posing for pictures. Here are a few examples below:

I think this one SCREAMS "We are a happy family and we wish you a Merry Christmas!" especially considering Avery is holding her Halloween bag and Jack is holding a plastic egg. (what? So I don't put things away in a timely manner. Easter should be celebrated all year long.)
Here we have an attempt by Avery to smother Jack with kisses and his attempt to get away from her as fast as possible. Jack fell off the couch a few seconds after I took this picture. 

Luckily I was able to catch him with my finger nail. It was a proud parenting moment. Avery just sat there looking at me like I was a total dumb ass. The only good news was that Matt wasn't in the room to witness my sacrifice of our son's safety for a good picture.
Then there was the idea that we could use some bath pictures because Jack absolutely loves to take a bath. But by the time he is done with all that splashing around the whole room is wet and Avery is usually in tears--which also means it isn't a good time to take a picture of them together. 

Plus there is that whole naked thing, which probably isn't the best idea now that Avery is 2. It's one thing when they are a infants but by the time you reach the toddler years you really have to draw the line. There is "embarrassing your kids" and then there is "requiring years of therapy." We're in a recession so I don't have enough savings to pay for all those psychiatrist bills.

So as of Dec. 3rd I have nothing close to a good Christmas picture. I am even avoiding our mailbox now that the cards are starting to be delivered because so many people are more prepared than I am. Each card mocks me just a little. It's cute how I think I have it all together until a holiday rolls around. 

We can't even get our Christmas lights on our tree to work. It's wonderful. And the lights are the essential building block to everything else on the tree. We obviously can't put ornaments on until we get the lights working. And clearly there is no reason for me to wrap any presents if we can't put them under the tree. Also? No need to decorate the rest of the house with Christmas cheer if the tree is bare. Obviously we have a problem here. 

Since our Christmas Open House is on the 14th and I will be in El Salvador from the 9th-12th it would seem that we need to get our act together PRONTO to get the house all Christmasy for the CHRISTMAS PARTY. [bangs head on wall]

moving on....

Now doesn't this look like the face of a guy who could play 'Joseph' in our church's live Nativity Scene next Friday night? Sure it does! I mean, I don't know how you can do better than a guy who doesn't believe in organized religion to play 'Joseph' while I am 'Mary' and Jack is 'baby Jesus' (although he looks more like toddler Jesus but we don't hear much about him in the Bible so we will just go with some creative swaddling. Jesus could have been a really big baby. We don't know for sure. NO ONE EVER SAID HE WASN'T 23 POUNDS.) 

When our church called and asked if we would participate in the Live Nativity Scene in December I said yes right away. They were calling all of the families that had babies in 2008 because the baby is the key element in the event so it didn't make a whole lot of sense to call the families with teenagers. It is only for 20 minutes. 20 MINUTES! so I didn't think Matt would object very strongly. 

I was wrong.

Matt has been saying no (as in adamantly no) for weeks but I have chosen to just hold out hope that he will change his mind. We won't have to talk. We won't have to sing. There will be no ritual sacrifice of any animals (or anything else for that matter). All that we have to do is stand there in sheets while someone reads the story of Jesus' birth. 

20 minutes.

So tonight when I reminded Matt that next Friday is the Live Nativity at church he said he wasn't doing it. Apparently he thinks he has been telling me that for weeks and that I am just "not listening" or some nonsense. 

I choose to think of it as selective hearing.

Because all I am asking him to do is stand there silently in a sheet for (say it with me) 20 MINUTES. So he told me to give him a day to "think about it" and then he will give me an answer. Which I totally do not understand since I told him about this a month ago. 

So what if he doesn't believe in organized religion? He believes in God and it would really suck if he ended up at the pearly gates only to have God tell him that he would be able to let him in except for that one time when he refused to act like Joseph for a church Christmas celebration. 

I'm just saying..... He should play along just in case.


Lauren150772 said...

OMG! I am laughing my head off. The picture thing is hilarious in and of itself and then there is Matt refusing to play Joseph...Hilarious. I told Adam, " I may ask you to do a lot of stuff that you have no interest in doing, but you have to give me credit...I have never asked you to play Joseph in the church nativity scene!" I think I got the "best wife" award today...thanks to you! He is being extra nice...he is scared...very scared...that I may volunteer him next!

Jenni.mystery said...

So funny. I attempted Christmas card photos and it...didn't go well.

Michelle said...

I love that bathtub picture. I would totally put that on a Christmas card.

King of New York Hacks said...

All of you in the bathtub pic...what the hell its Christmas !! Surely no one will forget that card for a long time. lol

longhornsteener said...

you should be a journalist! I am literally laughing out loud and Riley is wondering if mom has had a little too much wine tonight...
By the way, have you gotten our Christmas Card??? :)