Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The One That Would Make Ralph Waldo Emerson Cringe

My dad loves to sit outside and enjoy nature (and bad cigars) every day. He has a comfortable furniture set outside that he spent tons of time picking out and he watches TV, reads the newspaper and works the crossword puzzles all day long. There are some fans out there to keep him cool in the hot Texas summers and I think he would consider it to be perfect if only he could move his desktop computer outside and play his solitaire from the comfort of his back porch. It is his favorite retirement resort.

That is, it was his favorite spot until that "nature" he enjoys so much started talking back. I guess all those tree houses he built for the backyard a couple of years ago have ended up attracting actual birds who saw the tree in the backyard as the perfect place to live, given its proximity to the free food and all. Apparently those birds make noises that disrupt the sounds of his TV and the cars on the toll road about 1000 feet from my parent's backyard and he wasn't going to take it anymore! 

So dad did what any good Texan would do in this case: he bought a bb gun.

Matt was actually the first person to notice the gun propped up against the cabinets in the kitchen. We were at dinner and here's how the conversation went:

Matt: So, Butch, did you get a new gun?

Dad: Yep! Just got it a few days ago.

Matt: um, why?

Dad: Those damn birds in the backyard were getting so loud. I got that gun to shoot them out of the tree. 

Matt: (looks at me and I look back and said telepathically, "he had a stroke, you know")

Aunt Debbie chimes in: it is just like Steel Magnolias!  (Matt gives her a blank look because, of course, he has never seen Steal Magnolias.)

Dad: I think word is spreading amongst the birds, too. None of them have returned and no new ones are nesting.

So, yeah. Dad is now shooting at the tree to scare the birds that he initially attracted with the bird houses because they are getting too loud. Isn't that always the way? You give an inch and they take a mile.

 Hopefully now he can listen to the TV (and the traffic on the toll road) and enjoy being outside without those pesky creatures of nature getting in his way. 

1 comment:

Corey Turner said...

Maybe we can help. We bought a BB gun (it's a camouflaged rifle) back when lived in the Houston Heights to shoot the damn feral cats, of which there was an uncontrolled population. I hated doing it, but after they destroyed my tomato plants I was growing on our balcony, I lost all patience. It turns out that Amy is actually a pretty good shot. She could hit them from 25+ yards away. Cats are evil and should all be destroyed. Dogs rule - especially mine!